Just in the week, I have had 2 friends with young child asking me how to teach their children. Their children are  age 2.5 and 3. The 'Terrible Two' stage and what I called it 'the negative three' stage. The things they want to teach their kids are manner, sharing, meal times, and obeying their parents. These are just normal things that every kid needs to learn. That also means they need to be taught in order to learn these skills.


Generally, it does not matter what you want to teach your children the principle is always the same.
Personally I strongly hold on to these:


1) Be a role model - do not expect your child to be an angel if you are not one. Children learn from their parents by watching them how/what they do everyday. A smoking parent will see his/her child mimicking the action. At home, I do not need to ask my children to read books, all I have to do is to get a book out myself and start reading it, the next thing you will see is my kids go and get their books and start reading them. You know they just want to be like you. It is not easy as we do have short falls and are not perfect. However that does not excuse us not to be our best behaviour to show our children what they should do.


2) Who's the  boss? - from birth we teach our children that us the parents are the boss. We are in charge not them. They listen and obey us not us obey them and fulfilling their wishes all the time. They can tell us what they want and we make the decision. Since birth, we taught them how to sleep at night by themselves, we let them know our lives do not evolve around them but they have to fit into our lives. We take them to church, to shop, to friends house and they have to learn to be there because us the parents want to be there. Having said that we do not deprive our children from having fun and going to places like parks and playgound but it is up to us the parents to decide that. Jonathan can ask me to take him to the park but I will make decision based on the time of the day and if I say we could go tomorrow I make sure I keep my promises.  Children remember everything you said to them and keeping our promises are so important to let our children know that they can trust their parents.


Children often use crying, tantrums, nagging to try to get you to do/give them what they want. As parents, I let them know it does not work! I say to my children they can choose to cry all day and it still would not change my mind. If I said NO, that means NO! Believe me it is very hard to put up with the screaming and crying but you only have to do it a few times and they will get the idea that it does not work. When I see Jono started to cry, I would say you know it wont work for mummy and very quickly he will stop because from past experience he knows it won't work.


3) Be consistent - I sometimes fail on this one but it is very important to be consistent in our dealing with our kids. Being consistent allow our children to know what our expectations are and that helps them more easily to be compliant. For example, we make sure we pray before we eat our food and we make sure we do it everytime. Our children now know to wait and only start eating after we have prayed. Of course there were time when we forgot to pray and guess what? Jono would said 'mum, we forgot to pray". Oops. :D


4) Be persistent - this is a diffiult one as well! For example, if I ask my children to pick up their toys, I will persist until they do pick up their toys. By doing this, you let them learn that they do not get away with things easily. It is a very important to do as parents. As I have seen it too often in my dealing at school with kids that they just have no respcet for teachers/others because they think they can get away from not following the rules, showing no basic manners and just being arrogant. As I say it's hard but it is worth it for the long run.


5) Be flexible - this might be a bit of a contradiction here, but basically what it is is to bear in mind things do change over time. You know sometimes giving your child a sticker is enough to motivate them but once they get sick of it you might to need to use something else. One recent example is at meal times our children are expected to finish all their food. However, for some reason Esther was sick/teething in the last week and had lost her appetite. It was very obvious that she just did not want food as she usually is a good eater and often finishes her food before any of us. Well after a several time refusing food and looking at her being sick , I decided to just give her yoghurt, banana and milkt just things that she would eat. Well after a week I could see her appetite coming back so I slowly giving her the regular food that we eat at meal times. She is much better now and is happily eating her food again. So as I say we can be flexible depending on the situation and us as parents make adjustment accordingly. Our children have to learn to obey and trust their parents that we do try to make the best decision for them. At the same time, if we have made mistakes, we make sure we do apologise to our children and let them know that we are also learning and we do have weaknesses. It is also a good way to tell them if we make mistakes it is ok to admit it and correct it. So be flexible according to the needs but do not deviate from the other principles.


6) Start them when they are young - just like anything it is just simply the easiest way to get a higher success rate. That's why most sport training/music training start when they kids are young. You want to get to them before other things ocuppying them and they do not want to learn anything you teach them. For exmaple things like sleeping by themselves, if you start from birth then they will have no difficulty to sleep by themselves at 3. I sympathesize with parents who still have children sleeping with them. You know it is just not the best for the couple. Mummy and daddy need to have their own space as well. Our children all sleep by themselves in their own bed in their own room. The only thing that we allow is in morning when they wake up they can come into our bed and have a snuggle up time just before we get up. :D


Another example is reading or the love of books. From birth we read to them, let them play with board/cloths books and take them to the library and buy books for them. They have been exposed to books from birth so reading books are just part of our lives. Statistic shows kids who are good at reading are those who have parents read to them regularly.


Last example I can give is how to keep the children away from touching things. Ever since our children can touch/grab things we have continually showing them what they can touch and what they cannot touch. For example, most parents would let their kids play with their mobile phones, but we do not. Mobile phones are not toys! My kids will give me my mobile phone when they see me left it on the table and even if they pick it up and wanted to press a few buttons but when I saw it and ask for it back they would always give it back to me. They know that they are not allow to have it. They also know not to open up cupboard doors and touch the things inside. They need permisson if they have to. Having said that I do dedicate a drawer in the kitchen where they can touch, we purposely put all the tupperware containers stuff in there to let them play. It is particularly handy when I am cooking in the kitchen and the kids wanted to be with me. They know they can play with that drawer.



Last but not least as Christian parents we cannot do this by ourselves. We depend fully on God and His word. We pray for our children, we pray for patience, strength and wisdom! We do not forget about LOVE as well. My beliefs is we love our children but we do not spoil them. One of my approaches to parenting is to keep it real! You know one of the hardest things as parents is to prepare our children for the real life?


Often when we see a baby we only think about changing nappies, feeding the baby milk and other baby related things. However, before you know it this baby has grown into a teenager going to become and adult in a few years. Now think about what have we done as parents to equip them for the real world, a world where we can't be with them all the time, a world where other can be cruel and selfish. The real test of our parenting will determine how our children survive in the real life. In real life you don't get whatever you want whenever you want it. In real life you have to follow the boss's instructions and crying or kicking tantrums would not get you anywhere. In real life you have to learn to be independent because mummy or daddy are not there to make you food and do your work for you. Are you feelling overwhelmed being a parent? Well I am, it is such a huge respnsibility and I am still learning. It is a continual learning process, so daddy and mummy let us all learn together because this world needs better parents!

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

P.S: I am not an expert of parenting as I could only speak from my own experience. I would really like it for anyone who reads this blog to give some feedbacks. Especially if you are parents and it would be nice to share your experience and what you believe is important for parents to know. Thanks!

I have been very slacked at blogging. Here's some photos we took in the last two months.

Jono jumping on the trampoline at our church's family camp.

Us at Handorf

Unley Church Family Camp

Jono and Esther doing their painting on a rare sunny day!

My burnt potatoes! Yes I left it on the stove cooking in the morning and left for work. WIth God's grace after nearly about 8 hours of constatnt burning the house is still intact. There were only the smoke and burnt smell. God is watching over us no doubt! Needless to say I now try to check everything before I leave the house. :D

Jono's illustration of a 'fish'. The eyes are so big. LOL

Us at the Big Rocking Horse at Barossa.

The Whispering Wall. It was quite an interesting experience. From the photo you could see the wall is in a curve and you could speak at one end of the wall to another person at the other end of the wall. It sounded just as you are talking next to each other. It is in fact the retaining wall of the Barossa Reservoir. Jono was really amazed that the wall could talk to him. LOL.

Us at the Whispering Wall

Dane and some friends from church doing some wine tasting.

Us at one of the wineries at the Barossa.

The kids making funny faces.

Drumming :D

Us with our very special friends. They have relocated from Adelaide to Singapore about 2 weeks ago. We can't wait to catch up with them when we go to Singapore in Feb.

Time has gone really fast, we are nearly at the end of 2010. We are counting our blessings one by one and amazed at what our God had done for us!

I had been thinking to get rid/sell some of the toys we have. Especially those toys that the kids have grown out of. Just then I put Esther's fisher price activity table on ebay, and was going to put another leap frog toy on there as well. BUT I changed my mind about that one. Mainly because it was one of the few that I bought for Jonathan since he's a baby and it would be really good for other babies who come to our place. So I am keeping it a bit longer. :D

Anyway, we actually hardly buy our kids toys! Yes, hard to believe when people come to our house and they see the amount of toys we got and must be thinking 'wow, the kids are really spoilt!' The fact is only 20% of the toys are purchased by us, 60% are presents from family and friends, another 20% are hand me down toys given by other generous parents. Dane's family have a habit of buying the kids toys in every occasion - Easter,  birthdays, Christmas and anytime in between. At Esther's 1st birthday, she received at least 5 big items from her auntie and another 3/4 things from Dane's mum. Then other things from family and friends. Maybe I should let them know to give 'money' instead and we can put it in the kids bank account! Just like the Chinese tradition of giving Ang Pow. However I do understand their point of views, it's their way of showing their love and they think it's their jobs to spoil the kids. They think giving money is rude and insincere so all I can say is "THANK YOU" and I hope the children will appreciate them.

I personally prefer to make fun using what we already have (such as boxes, bottles, and other bits and pieces of materials). It encourages the kids to use their imagination and creativity. We also buy lots of books for our kids. Being a teacher myself and understand the value of books and what they can offer, we make sure our children love books and read them. Esther can sit for at least 30 minutes by herself just looking through her favourite books. Jonathan loves listening to stories and he loves making up his own stories too. He also likes books on facts and often ask many questions. Nevertheless, we thank God that our children are learning to look after their toys and sharing them.

The Activity Table I put on ebay

 

The Playroom

We made our own book 'My visit to the Adelaide Zoo'.

Some of our collection of children books

Our boy has just turned 4 in August! We really thanked God for his goodness to us as parents. We are so blessed that Jonathan is healthy, bright, chatty, active and he loves the Lord Jesus. Here are some of the photos we took during his birthday week and Dane's parents and sister also visited us for a couple of days. It was so good to have them around!

The birthday celebration

 

Jonathan's 4th birthday cake made by wonderful daddy

The birthday boy with his present from Esther

 

Our trip to the Adelaide Zoo

  

Us at the Adelaide Zoo

We saw Wang Wang and Funi!

Aunty Mel with Esther

Jono and his favourite Aunty Mel

Esther enjoying cooking using our homemade stoves!

Jonathan the Explorer

I had been quite busy since started working again. Hence I only just have time to put up some photos we took in July.

 

Esther playing in the kitchen

Jonathan and daddy making yummy dinner

Esther playing with playdough

We started putting the kids in the same room. They slept well every night! And now we have a spare room for visitors.

Few days ago I asked Jono what did he do at childcare. As usual he would say 'nothing' meaning he did nothing at childcare. :D Anyway, I asked him did he sing some songs and he said 'yes mum but we didn't sing Jesus loves me.' This is one of his favourite songs and he would sing it quite often at home. It is so simple that even a child can know that JESUS loves him because the Bible says so.

Download this mp3 from Beemp3.com

Have been thinking about where home is. Since coming to Adelaide, I have to explain numerous times where I came from. "Yes, we just moved here from Brisbane, and yes if you are wondering I came from Malaysia originally." My background would be Australian Malaysian Chinese married to an Australian Caucasian.

My root will always be Malaysia. A place where I grew up and had spent about 20 years of my life there with my families and friends. My mum and brothers are still there and I would be the only one here in Australia if not counting Dane and his family. Now I have my own family (hubby and 2 children) here in Australia and I have also taken up Australian citizenship not long ago. In which I had to give up my Malaysian citizenship. Many people commented that I can live in Australia as permanent resident forever but I wanted a sense of belonging not a bit here and a bit there. I decided to be faithful to a country where my little family belongs and wanted to be part of it and being proud of being Australian. It is like an adopted child fully accepted into the family. Soon I will be able to vote!

I do miss Malaysia from time to time. Mainly because of my mum and so wish we are closer to her. However, I am certain that I would not go back to live in Malaysia in the foreseeable future. In fact the closest I would be to Malaysia would be Singapore. It is close to my hometown but in a better country. Many Malaysian Chinese would agree with me that we are commonly treated as second citizens in Malaysia. I do not want my children growing up feeling and being treated the same way. There are many inequalities in Malaysia and it certainly is not about the level of wealth or development of the country but the condition and mistreatment that are imposed on the non indigenous ethnic groups. On the other hand, I am in fact 100% Chinese and both my grandparents were from China. But my tie to China stops at that and China is indeed a foreign country to me. So where do I belong? I actually do not belong to any of these countries due to many reasons. Firstly, I am not Chinese living in China even though I am 100% Chinese. Then even though I grew up in Malaysia but I was never a full Malaysian in the sense of belonging. And now I am an Australian citizen who is not born and bred here.

I have to make decision together with hubby on how we should raise our children. Do we raise them purely Australians? Do we instill Malaysian and Chinese in them? Ideally, I would love them to be able to speak Chinese, love Chinese, Malaysian and Australian food and cultures, and to be proud of who they are and their mixed backgrounds.

So back to my questions, where is home? To me my earthly home is where my loved ones are. For now my home is Australia and Malaysia will always have a special place in my heart. However, we as Christians should not get too tangled up about where our home is because we are only passing by and our home is in Heaven! Let us live our lives for God wherever He put us. :D

Time has gone so quickly, we have been in Adelaide for about 2 months now and we are loving it! We have not visited many tourist places yet just enjoying time together as family when Dane has the time off work. God is good all the time!

Jono and his pet 'scruff' enjoying their breakfast.

Esther all dressed up ready to embrace another cold day.

Jono is making a banana sandwich. He is a good helper in the kitchen.

Esther loves playing with Lego Duplo.

Jono making his favourite egg sandwich

Esther and Jono having fun at Koorong bookstore in the city. We love their full size playcentre!

This post was meant to be posted back in April but somehow I forgot to publish it. While I was going through my post I discovered this and now I am publishing it to share with all my dear friends. :D

As a mother of 2 kids I would say one of the hardest things in looking after children is when they are sick. Esther was really ill on one Saturday night about 2 months ago. She was all good during the day and went to bed as usual at about 7pm. However at about 10:30pm she was crying and screaming. I went in to her room and found her looking very pale and ill. She started throwing up when I picked her up from her cot. I tried to clean up everything and put her back in her cot thinking that she should be ok now since she almost threw up all of her dinner. However she continued to throw up intermittently like every 5 mins. My heart was aching seeing her in such a miserable state. She had nothing else to vomit but still had the urge to. :( She was so sleepy and really wanted to go back to sleep but just impossible with the constant throwing up.

I did not know what to do except to clean her up and comfort her. I tried very hard to stay awake to look after her but it was like 11:30pm already and I was really tired from a busy day. I got a chair and sat right in front of her cot so I could help her when she throw up. While I was struggling to keep my eyes opened, Psalm 121 came into mind. What a great promise it is to know that God who watches over us will not slumber nor sleep. I can just trust and totally depend on Him that nothing is out of His hands and He is my help! In contrast, us human is so limited in our own strength. I would love to stay awake and do everything for Esther but physically my body was tired and I was really struggling.

By about 12am midnight, Esther had threw up at least 15 times. However thanked God she was  finally able to go back to sleep with no more vomiting. I was able to go back to sleep knowing that God is watching over both of us! The next morning she was back to normal and her happy self.

Psalm 121:
I will lift up my eyes to the hills
  where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
  the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip
  He who watches over you will not slumber
Indeed, he who watches over Israel
  will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
  the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
  nor th emoon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm
  He will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming an dgoing
  both now and forevermore.

 Dear friends, will you let this true and living God watch over you?

We visited Western Plains Zoo at Dubbo on our way to Adelaide

Jono with the 'rhino'

Esther and daddy with the lion

Esther loved the 4 days car trip except when she needed her nappy change. :D

 

Entering South Australia border!

Jono and I at a town called Berri (if you know Berri juice, this is where it comes from), South Australia.

Esther enjoying her time at the Beach House at Glenelg Beach